The Same Damn Thing

Hey, guess where I am!
Yeah, you probably guessed it. Photography class.
Anyways, so let's get on what is currently bugging me.
Why does everyone on the planet feel it is their duty to cheer me up? I mean, yes, I am upset. No, it is not at any of my friends. So why does that require anyone's attentions? It's not as though there is anything they can do about it. Mrs. Page keeps trying to get me to smile, but honestly, smiling is not something I'm very fond of lately. People ask what's wrong, and I kind've just shrug because frankly, they can't help for one, and two it just makes me seem pathetic to say the same thing is wrong over and over again. No, I'm not happy. Stop trying to make me be happy!

Why should I be? Being nice or happy doesn't get me anything. No matter how nice I am, no matter how little I ask of people, I get nothing for my trouble.
I try and get along with everyone. I try to talk to people and be nice so that people know, "Hey, Lindsey isn't emo, depressed and anti-social!"
I'm not outgoing at all, yet all I've been trying to do for ages now is get people to like talking to me or at least not mind my presence. I try to be the girl that the other girls don't trash talk for trash talking, I try to be the kind of girl that any guy would ever consider dating. It does no good.

Yes, it's the dating thing again. If you don't like it you can leave. I don't really give a shit how pathetic you think I am for still being on this tirade. I honestly, can't really see why this makes me pathetic anyways. I have decent reasons for wanting a boyfriend. It's not like I just want a boyfriend to prove I can get one or because the people around me have relationships or even because people seem to think it's so important. I want that relationship. I want someone whom I can talk with seriously without being talked down to or pitied. I want someone who can hug me and make me feel better. Someone who makes me happy just by smiling at me.

Is that seriously so freakin much to ask? One person who cares about me as more than a friend who I feel the same way about?
I love my friends, but they can't give me that.
Evidently, my school can't either.
Not that I'm surprised.
The last guy (strike that, the only guy) I liked that liked me back was someone I met on a cruise ship, and after the week he went back to New York and I came home and we never spoke again because neither of us had any way to get hold of each other.
(That was what made me go into my all black, I hate life and want to die thing of the late 6th through 8th grade).

Whatever...I hate high school. And if this is the best time of my life....shit...